Running Out of Time?

A couple of nights ago, I was minding my own business downloading some stuff (I emphatically deny porn as the stuff being downloaded) off the internet and surfing around when Triccie, one of my friends from Manila, chatted me up via Yahoo Messenger. During the course of our discussion, the topic of me hooking up with someone from our group was awakened from a deep, dark slumber. This topic got me thinking about life. In fact, my world began to rapidly compress with me in the middle. Fortunately, because of my plump body, the world gave up shrinking. It was too hard (that's what she said...). Whew!

Anyway, that whole thing made me wonder why it is so hard for me to actually find someone. I see people my age getting married, having kids, or just plain living it up with the one they love. Why is it I am not? Will I ever get married to the right one? Has the perfect opportunity pass me by? I realized that I am very, very, very, complicated. During my reflection over a cup of hot choco and 2 dozen biscuits (I eat a lot when I am disturbed... who am I kidding, I eat a lot!!!), I jumped to the conclusion that I had turned into something I never thought I could be. I was now a "commitaphobe" which is someone that is afraid to commit. How did I come to this conclusion you may ask? Well, it seems that whenever I meet a girl who I am sort of attracted to, I always try to find flaws in the girl right away. I mean even the very minute detail of a flaw will turn me off hence, my whole attraction trickles down the drain. Yeah, I know right? Crazy, but I've subliminaly been doing this for the past 3 years. I know the root of all this and so do some of my closest friends but I am just not ready to share it yet. Anyhoo...

If you guys watch or used to watch Seinfeld, I basically do what they do when they date. Look for flaws. This is basically a defense mechanism because you are afraid to dwelve deeper into the relationship. You are afraid that if you open up to someone and give that effort in the relationship, you might regret it later on. Some would say that it may be a fear of rejection. In this case, I rarely have that fear since I have taken a lot of brutal rejections (how did you guess?) in my life. One more would not really make a difference.

At this point of meditation, my good friend, Toni, sent me a message via Yahoo and I recounted these thoughts to her. She actually relaxed me and said that I should not worry. The right thing will eventually come at the right time (Thanks buddy!). And then I thought, she's right!(By the way, Toni is a chick.) Why should I pressure myself when I still have a lot of time. And then I thought, if I just ride the waves of life, I should be able to meet that perfect counterpoint in my life that would flush all the fears of commitment out of my system and into the craphole, right? Then I thought, could that perfect counterpoint be Elisha Cuthbert? Then I thought, If Elisha brought me some Krispy Kreme donuts... she would be the one. Then I thought of eating donuts while watching Jessica Alba getting it on, in the sex video we made, with Elisha watching as well beside me. Finally, I thought of something really ridonculous. A foursome starring me, Elisha, Jessica, and a Krispy Kreme glazed donut. That would be so awesome.

Anyway, so all you people out there having the same problems and realizations... always keep in mind that you are not running out of time and that perfect moment will soon come for you guys. I know it will arrive soon enough for me. I am going back to Manila for the holidays, who knows? If it doesn't, eat a Krispy Kreme donut, you will definitely forget your problem due to the sweet juicy nectar and soft chewy dough. Oh man... I'm salivating again.

Let me know your thoughts or if this piece made any sense, or if this post is just a piece of shit.